This excerpt, although not officially sanctioned, was presented as evidence at the trial of the author, in which he was cited as "conspiring to corrupt with carnivorous habits the pristine and blameless alimentation of our current generation," quoth the prosecution. The author was heavily fined and his "collection" siezed and destroyed.
SWAP MEAT
by Ranjit Bhatnagar
The following offensive passage was slipped into a particularly
graphic sex mag. Outraged citizens spontaneously burned the
publishers' office. Said one of the rioters, "I'm all for kinky sex,
but there's a limit to everything! Filthy perverts!"
WILD GIRL
by crisp wreck
she was a wild girl. i'd seen her shred the identical dress off a socialite at a private party once. i could tell by her blood red nails that she was a carnivore. we met as planned on a street corner (i like to think she was a mobster's moll) and i hailed us a cab.
at the meateasy i knocked three times on the basement door and said,"SWORDFISH!" a little peephole opened and we were ushered into a dark musty kind of place with a low ceiling reeking of opium. she kicked a coolie as we followed the gorilla in the turtleneck thru a drab curtain and she claimed to have seen hair on the palm of his hand. the gorilla, not the coolie.
now i could see why they had the opium den as a front. i was struck suddenly by the stench of death. i tried not to wince but it was no good. she gave me a sneering kind of grin and opened her nostrils wide to suck in the godawful odor of carrion.
"MEAT!" she said. "its kind of like, ya know, voodoo or somethin'."
"i know,"i said."the visceral tremor of subjugation." i had been thinking that up all week. but i don't think she got it. she looked at me funny so i just grinned. real savvy like.
"what'll it be."
"i don't see the angus on the card."
"thats cause it ain't on the card."
"do you have it?"
"sure we have it."
"well?"
"two of 'em?" the gorilla was incredulous.
"what are they, endangered?" she spat.
"boss, they want the angus." the head honcho came over and looked me up and down. he took in the threadbare elbows on my blazer and the wildflower in my lapel.
"i don't mean no disrespect, mister, but frankly, you don't look the type."
i whipped out my bankroll and slammed it on the table.
"i used to work the union stockyards,"i said."and i know my beef!" well that shut him up. he took us back into the freezer. i put my coat around her.
"i can see my breath!" she said. she was all excited. we could see the dim outlines of the slaughtered beasts hanging on their hooks like so many savage trophies.
"it'll just be a moment, sir." i had graduated from mister to sir. the majordomo took his flashlight with him so we lit up some cigs. her gleaming eyes in the matchlight told me she was mine. then the flashlight came skipping back thru the silhouettes of the decapitated ungulates and there, in a bloodstained smock, a filterless cigaret dangling out of the extreme corner of his obscene gob, was the giant unshaven jowly man known only as The Butcher.
"so you want the red angus." he said, his porcine head tilted back so his squinty red eyes could look down his ugly snout at us. she was already shivering, but i thought maybe there were two reasons why now.
"there's no such thing as red angus."i replied with the cool panache that had earned me the moniker "Flash".
"don't insult the man," the majordomo was developing a nervous tic. at first i thought he was winking at me, but no. "he's from chicago."
"he smiles like chicago," the Butcher said. "all right, chicago. how thick do you like your steaks?"
i heard her whistle in involuntarily so i knew i had to play this right.
"how thick do you like to cut 'em?"
he snorted and whipped a shiny cleaver out of his gore-bespattered apron. then he took a drag off his cig and flicked the ash at the majordomo who lit out like a cockroach from a kitchen light.
"follow me," said the Butcher. and he headed off thru that temple of death, swinging the carcasses as he went, hoping to knock us or at least smear us with blood. she squealed with delight. he stopped at one and peered at it for a moment. then he cracked a bluetip match with his thumbnail and, producing a smallish blowtorch, proceeded to fire it up. he gave us a final leer over his shoulder before he began his grisly work.
i had been squeezing her hard nipple between my fingers for some time and now, my free hand snaked up her thigh. and those little gasps that came every time his blade sank home were for me...
The origin of this selection is obscure. There are indications that it was smuggled onto earth from Mars as a propaganda tool.
MEAT FRIENDS
HWRNMNBSOL, Court Astrologer
-
The ToFuhrer and his Soy Soldiers menace the world's Angus reserves! Who can save us -- WHO?!
A giant lump of nougat, miles across, is headed for a bullseye collision with planet Earth! Who will help us -- WHO?!
Dr. Vegemite's army of unstoppable PhotoSynthetic monsters holds Backstrap City hostage! Who might aid us -- WHO! WHO!! WHO??!?!?!
I'LL TELL YOU WHO !!!
The MeatFriends!
- * -
- * -
the agents of SPROUT have returned!!
[*] Remember Last Ish? -HWRNMNBSOL
- * -
-
When the FDA was being destroyed from within, he came to the rescue.
When the Killer Kelp Plague swept the eastern seaboard, he saved the lobster harvest.
And who saved Thanksgiving Dinner?
Captain Kosher!
Goodnight, Backstrap. Sleep well.
Your meat is safe this night.
- * -
NEXT WEEK: " L E S T J E R K Y F A L L ! ! ! ">
This colorful ditty appeared late in the twentieth century, eerily foreshadowing events to come.
Down the alley, past the dumpster, see, then
On the left, behind the trash, a door
Is hidden. Seven gentle knocks, first three, then
Four, and answer "Not one fat gram more."
Quickly disappear inside and hand your
Satin-lined, black, floor-length cape away.
Feast your eyes upon illegal grandeur
But a priv'ledged few can taste today.
It all started back there in the 'Niners -
All those sci'ntists and healthnut do-gooders
Proved it that the nation's bottomliners
Coon't afford the 'woulder-coulder-shoulders.'
"No! We can't afford the high blood-pressure,
No! We can't afford the heart bypasses,
No! We can't afford, by half a measure,
Any of the health bills of the masses!
Here's a plan! We must take on the wealthy
Interest Groups, and to avoid the riot,
We will legislate our cit'zens healthy--
Charge with treason those who stray the diet!
Oh! Those selfish porkers, we can teach them
All the lusciousness of egg-white omelets,
Celery and carrots! We will preach them
Into fruit and fiber guava bomblets.
First, the population just had patience,
People went to jail, and then, at last
After that, we saw more demonstrations
Like the draft card burnings of the past.
A million people once were congregated
On the Washington Monument lawn.
Three full days! The speakers they had slated!
Tear gas and police soon had them gone.
The President explained on live TV
The country, now, no longer could sustain
The threat to national security,
That overeaters posed too great a strain
Then we saw the 'fridgerator raid'
Made the Evening News reports for days.
Feds had all little children paid,
Spying on their parents' selfish ways.
In the schools, they taught them 'bad' from 'good,'
And they 'showed' them, using Pavlov's bells,
What their parents might become if food
Were allowed to pad with fat their cells.
How they'd change from loving, caring souls
How they'd lose the twinkle in their eyes
How they'd slump and waddle, and their drools
Would collect in pools from chocolate pies.
People learned to live by eating rice in
Helpings of 2 ounces with a touch of
Imitation, spray-on, no-fat bison.
(Beef, you see, they all would eat too much of.)
Bows and flows of angel hair (its pasta'd).
Marinara only. Never cream sauce!
And they'd prosecute each lonely basta'd
Who could somehow find blackmarket dream sauce
Made of sausage, meats and thick ricotta.
Yes, those fat midwesterners got thinner,
Exercized and ate more what they oughta.
(But, for years they choked each night at dinner
And that's where most of them are today:
Sightless eyes, their brain waves all but drenched.
And in secret clubs, the wealthy pay
Exhorbitantly to have a cream sauce 'frenched.'
Drink real Cokes made somewhere in the east;
On their salads, they pour olive oil.
Bagels, sour cream and lox- a feast!
Chips and guacamole and crab boil.
But there's hope-- a shadowy group in parks
Across the states have just begun to rise,
Passing out free creampuffs in the dark
And watching life come back when people's eyes
( )
((0 0))
(( ^ ))
((~~~~~~~))
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The Devil Made Me Do It
A meat-related sci-fi entry.
Imagine if you will... the leader of the fifth invader force speaking to the commander-in-chief...
"They're made out of meat."
"Meat?"
"Meat. They're made out of meat."
"Meat?"
"There's no doubt about it. We picked several from different parts of the planet, took them aboard our recon vessels, probed them all the way through. They're completely meat."
"That's impossible. What about the radio signals? The messages to the stars."
"They use the radio waves to talk, but the signals don't come from them. The signals come from machines."
"So who made the machines? That's who we want to contact."
"They made the machines. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Meat made the machines."
"That's ridiculous. How can meat make a machine? You're asking me to believe in sentient meat."
"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. These creatures are the only sentient race in the sector and they're made out of meat."
"Maybe they're like the Orfolei. You know, a carbon-based intelligence that goes through a meat stage."
"Nope. They're born meat and they die meat. We studied them for several of their life spans, which didn't take too long. Do you have any idea the life span of meat?"
"Spare me. Okay, maybe they're only part meat. You know, like the Weddilei. A meat head with an electron plasma brain inside."
"Nope. We thought of that, since they do have meat heads like the Weddilei. But I told you, we probed them. They're meat all the way through."
"No brain?"
"Oh, there is a brain all right. It's just that the brain is made out of meat!"
"So... what does the thinking?"
"You're not understanding, are you? The brain does the thinking. The meat."
"Thinking meat! You're asking me to believe in thinking meat!"
"Yes, thinking meat! Conscious meat! Loving meat. Dreaming meat. The meat is the whole deal! Are you getting the picture?"
"Omigod. You're serious then. They're made out of meat."
"Finally, Yes. They are indeed made out meat. And they've been trying to get in touch with us for almost a hundred of their years."
"So what does the meat have in mind?"
"First it wants to talk to us. Then I imagine it wants to explore the universe, contact other sentients, swap ideas and information. The usual."
"We're supposed to talk to meat?"
"That's the idea. That's the message they're sending out by radio. 'Hello. Anyone out there? Anyone home?' That sort of thing."
"They actually do talk, then. They use words, ideas, concepts?"
"Oh, yes. Except they do it with meat."
"I thought you just told me they used radio."
"They do, but what do you think is on the radio? Meat sounds. You know how when you slap or flap meat it makes a noise? They talk by flapping their meat at each other. They can even sing by squirting air through their meat."
"Omigod. Singing meat. This is altogether too much. So what do you advise?"
"Officially or unofficially?"
"Both."
"Officially, we are required to contact, welcome, and log in any and all sentient races or multibeings in the quadrant, without prejudice, fear, or favor. Unofficially, I advise that we erase the records and forget the whole thing."
"I was hoping you would say that."
"It seems harsh, but there is a limit. Do we really want to make contact with meat?"
"I agree one hundred percent. What's there to say?" `Hello, meat. How's it going?' But will this work? How many planets are we dealing with here?"
"Just one. They can travel to other planets in special meat containers, but they can't live on them. And being meat, they only travel through C space. Which limits them to the speed of light and makes the possibility of their ever making contact pretty slim. Infinitesimal, in fact."
"So we just pretend there's no one home in the universe."
"That's it."
"Cruel. But you said it yourself, who wants to meet meat? And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you have probed? You're sure they won't remember?"
"They'll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads and smoothed out their meat so that we're just a dream to them."
"A dream to meat! How strangely appropriate, that we should be meat's dream."
"And we can mark this sector unoccupied."
"Good. Agreed, officially and unofficially. Case closed. Any others? Anyone interesting on that side of the galaxy?"
"Yes, a rather shy but sweet hydrogen core cluster intelligence in a class nine star in G445 zone. Was in contact two galactic rotation ago, wants to be friendly again."
"They always come around."
"And why not? Imagine how unbearably, how unutterably cold the universe would be if one were all alone."
Anti-Meat Propaganda.
Vegetarianism
PHYSIOLOGICAL COMPARISONS
______________________________________________________________________________
| |
MEAT-EATER | HERBIVORE | MAN
_________________________|_________________________|__________________________
| |
has claws | no claws | no claws
| |
no skin pores,perspires | perspires through skin | perspires through skin
through tongue | pores | pores
| |
sharp front teeth for | no sharp fromt teeth | no sharp fromt teeth
tearing, no flat molar | has flat rear molars | has flat rear molars
teeth for grinding | |
| |
intestinal tract 3 times| intestinal tract 10-12 | intestinal tract 12 times
body length so rapidly | times body length | body length
decaying meat can pass | |
through quickly | |
| |
strong hydrochloric acid| stomach acid 20 times | stomach acid 20 times
in stomach to digest | less strong than meat- | less strong than meat-
meat | eaters | eaters
_________________________|_________________________|___________________________
Every living entity has the right to live, therefore most of the worlds Scriptures restrict unnecessary violence toward other living entities.
Each living entity has its allotted foodstuffs, and for civilised humans such foods include grains, milk and milk products, vegetables and fruit. A diet consisting of food from these four groups will result in good health, strength, a long life, intelligence and a clear mind. With such a clear mind and good intelligence it is easy to contemplate the real problems of life and ponder on their solutions.
Unfortunately we live in a society which is slaughtering animals on a huge scale. Every day so many animals are killed in massive slaughter-houses simply to satisfy our taste for blood.
Animal killing is extremely sinful and creates bad karma for all of the participants, the farmer, the transport workers, the butcher, the cook and the person eating the flesh. It also creates bad karma for the town, country and the entire planet.
Environmental Damage
Another price we pay for meat eating is degradation of the environment. The heavily contaminated run-off from thousands of slaughter- houses and feedlots is a major source of water pollution. In their book "Population, Resources and Environment", Paul and Anne Ehrlich found that to grow one pound of wheat requires only 60 pounds of water, whereas production of a pound of meat requires anywhere from 2,500 to 6,000 pounds of water.
In 1973 the New York Post revealed that one large chicken slaughtering plant in America was found to be using 100 million gallons of water daily. The same volume would supply a city of 25,000 people!
Land Usage, Meat and War
A study published in "Plant Foods for Human Nutrition" reveals that an acre of beans or peas produces ten times more protein than an acre of pasture set aside for meat production.
Economic facts like this were known to the ancient Greeks In Plato's Republic the great Greek philosopher Socrates recommended a vegetarian diet because it would allow a country to make the most intelligent use of its agricultural resources. He warned that if people began eating animals, there would be need for more pasturing land. "And the country which was enough to support the original inhabitants will be too small now, and not enough?", he asked of Glaucon, who replied that this was indeed true "And so we shall go to war, Glaucon, shall we not?". to which Glaucon replied, "Most certainly."
In the present era there is still the possibility of mass conflict based on food. Back in August 1974, the American CIA published a report warning that in the near future there may not be enough food for the world's population "unless the affluent nations make a quick and drastic cut in their consumption of grain-fed animals."
Nutrition Without Meat
Many times the mention of vegetarianism elicits the predictable reac tion, "What about protein?"
The ideas that meat has a monopoly on protein and that large amounts of protein are required for energy and strength are both myths.
Of the twenty-two amino acids, all but eight can be synthesised by the body itself, and these eight "essential amino acids" exist in abundance in nonflesh foods. Dairy products, grains, beans and nuts are all concentrated sources of protein. Cheese, peanuts and lentils, for instance, contain more protein per gram than hamburger, pork or porterhouse steak.
The primary energy source for the body is carbohydrates. Only as a last resort is the body's protein utilised for energy production. Too much protein intake actually reduces the body's energy capacity. In a series of comparative endurance tests conducted by Dr. Irving Flsher of Yale, vegetarians performed twice as well as meat-eaters. Numerous other stud- ies have shown that a proper vegetarian diet provides more nutritional energy than meat. A study by Dr 1. Iotekyo and V. Kilpani at Brussles University showed that vegetarians were able to perform physical tasks two to three times longer than meat-eaters before exhaustion and were recovered from fatigue in one fifth the time needed by the meat-eaters.
Health and Meat Eating
The human body can not deal with excessive animal fats in the diet. As early as 1961, the Journal of the American Medical Association stated that ninety to ninety-seven percent of heart disease, the cause of more than half of the deaths in the United States, could be prevented by a vegetar ian diet.
Many studies have established the relationship between colon cancer and meat eating. One reason for the incidence of cancer Is the h1gh-fat, low- fiber content of the meat-centred diet. The result is a slow transit time through the colon, allowing toxic wastes to do their damage. Meat, while being digested, is known to generate steroid metabolites possessing carcin- ogenic properties.
Chemicals and Diseases in Meat
Numerous potentially hazardous chemicals, of which consumers are generally unaware, are present m meat and meat products. In their book, " Poisons In Your Body", Garry and Steven Null give an inside look at the production techniques used by corporately owned animal producers , "The animals are kept alive and fattened by continuous administra tion of tranquillisers, horrnones, antibiotics and 2,700 other drugs," they write, "the process starts even before birth and continues long after death. Although these drugs will still be present in the meat when you eat it, the law does not require that they be listed on the package."
Because of the filthy. overcrowded conditions forced upon animals by the livestock industry, vast amounts of antibiotics must be used, but such rampant use of antibiotics naturally creates antibiotic-resistant bacteria that are passed on to those who eat the meat The US FDA estimate that peni cillin and tetracycline save the meat industry $1.9 billion a year giving them sufficient reason to overlook the potential health hazards. In addition to dangerous chemicals, meat often carries diseases from the animals themselves.
Crammed together in unclean conditions, force-fed and inhumanely treated, animals destined for slaughter contract many more diseases than they ordinarily would. Meat inspectors attempt to filter out unacceptable meats, but because of pressures from industry and lack of sufficient time for examination, much of what passes is far less wholesome than the meat purchaser realizes.
The Hidden Cost of Meat
According to information compiled by the United States Department of Agriculture, over ninety percent of all the grain produced in America is used for feeding livestock -- cows. pigs, lambs and chickens -- that wind up on dinner tables
The process of using grain to produce meat is incredibly wasteful. Information from the USDA's Economic Research Service shows that only one pound of beef is produced for every sixteen pounds of grain consumed.
In his book "Proteins: Their Chemistry and Politics," Dr. Aaron Altshul notes that, "In terms of calorie units per acre, a diet of grains, vegetables and beans will support twenty times more people than a diet of meat.
If the earth's arable land were used primarily for the production of vegetarian foods, the planet could easily support a population of twenty billion and more.
In a report submitted to the United Nations World Food Conference (Rome, 1974), Rene Durmont, an agricultural economist at France's National Agricultural Institute, made this judgement , "The over consumption of meat by the rich means hunger for the poor."
Changing the Face of the Earth Send some feedback madhudvisa@webcom.com